Dagmara noticed that she no longer fit in any of her winter pants. Logic told her it was time to go back to the gym. She bought new leggings, stole her husband’s big T-shirt, and signed up for a class. After the first one, she came home crying, promising herself that she would never go back. She felt most of the people looking at her in an unfriendly way and one of the women in the locker room snickered at the sight of her fat rolls. Though her husband persuaded Dagmara that it was all in her head, she decided she was finished with the gym. She also stopped looking in the mirror, playing with fashion and enjoying new dresses. And the pounds kept piling on...
Body in the crosshairs, what’s behind body-shaming?
“Body-shaming" is a form of violence that unfortunately affects an increasing number of both “chubby” and skinny people. And although “fat-shaming” seems to be a more common phenomenon, i.e. discrimination due to excess weight or obesity, “skinny-shaming” is also becoming more prevalent. More and more women wearing smaller sizes are complaining about insults (such as “hanger” or “skeleton”) and critical comments related to their appearance.
The fact that others judge us, often very critically, is a fact, but we are also often victims of our own beliefs and fears. We stop liking our own body and everything that is associated with it, fall into the trap of insecurities, and have the impression that everyone around us sees only our imperfections.
Fighting this feeling is a bit like reversing a river with a stick. From an early age, society has inundated us with unrealistic canons of beauty, while at the same time hampering the healthy need for movement among children. Instead of letting them engage in activity, children spend many hours sitting at their desks. Instead of supporting body awareness, they are subjected to an ever-growing list of orders and prohibitions. Before we enter adulthood, we have usually accumulated a number of insecurities, a bad approach to sports and diet, and – to put it mildly – a difficult relationship with our own body.
Is it possible to dam up these habits and return to a moment when we treated our own body as an integral part of ourselves and movement as a natural need and source of joy? Thankfully, the answer is “yes”, although some people – such as Dagmara – will probably need support, e.g. from a therapist or a psychiatrist. Others can dive right in. We have suggestions for how to do it!
How can you improve your relationship with your body?
- Look in the mirror
…and no, we don’t mean a real mirror. Consider how other people see you. Some time ago, the Dove brand, as part of an advertising campaign, conducted an interesting experiment. A group of women was asked to describe their appearance to a professional police sketch artist, hidden behind a curtain. He used their self-descriptions to draw their portraits. Then the same women were described to the same artist by strangers. The differences in both portraits were enormous. Women participating in the experiment described themselves as much less attractive than they were perceived by impartial witnesses. They emphasised the shortcomings in their appearance and “forgot” to mention their assets.
Our advice: Ask your loved ones to tell you what they like about your body. Practice the difficult art of accepting compliments. If it helps, write down the kind words you hear about yourself. These positive assessments are great reinforcement for self-confidence, even if you initially don’t believe them. And importantly, when you receive a compliment – instead of denying it, return it. If someone praises your appearance, don’t say “no, no, my nose is too big”, but “Thank you! I love your hair colour.”
- Avoid comparisons
In 2013, the Ministry of Sport and Tourism initiated the campaign “Stop gym excuses”. The biggest Polish athletes, huge media attention and... a decade later, children are still trying to avoid physical education classes. Unfortunately, sports classes in many schools are often far from ideal, and the very idea of assessing children with varying degrees of development, predispositions and various health conditions according to the same criteria can be controversial. For many people, the school years are not the beginning of an adventure with sport, but the reason why they stop exercising altogether. We cannot change the education system, but we can have an impact on our approach to physical activity as adults. It is better to leave comparisons, records and continuous evaluation to professional or semi-professional sports practitioners. Recreational activity should primarily be enjoyable. So what if a friend reaches her desired weight faster? So what if a friend scores better in a 10 km race? As amateurs, we have completely different possibilities and conditions.
Our advice: If you want to compete – only compete with yourself, and not the you of years ago, but the you from last week. Do not neglect physical activity, because it can provide you a with sense of well-being (including through endorphins), a better understanding of your body and more control over your fitness.
- Do it your way
Do you hate to dance, but your friends are making you take Zumba? Do “all” your friends play tennis, a sport that has no appeal for you? Well… you can always try. Maybe you’ll discover a new favourite activity. If after 1-2 classes your annoyance only increases, it’s time to switch gears and pursue something else. Today, the choices are virtually unlimited – just look at the offers in the average gym. Moreover, movement-friendly infrastructure has increasingly developed – from bike paths to outdoor gyms. Find your favourite pursuit and activity will become a natural part of your day. Listen to your body – what does it need, what develops its natural predispositions? Sometimes it will be Pilates, other times dynamic aerobic exercises. Respect your body’s needs and capabilities.
Our advice: One good solution may be to try out several gyms. You can also find a personal trainer to help you determine the best and most interesting type of training for you. If you have a favourite type of fitness, that’s great, but remember to diversify your exercises – the brain and body do not like monotony. Challenges are fuel for development.
- Media clean-up
Social media has an enormous impact on how we perceive our bodies today. Although it affects children and teenagers the most, even mature people can be “triggered” by the online beauty cult. How can you deal with this? Although some celebrities try to convince us that “everyone has the same 24-hour day”, in real life most of us simply do not have the opportunity or money to shine like a star on the catwalk. A 50-year-old celebrity may have the figure of a goddess, but behind the scenes there is often a staff of specialists and a work style that facilitates staying in shape. Another “hidden truth” of the perfect figure is dehydration. This is what allows some actors to sport perfectly sculpted muscles on movie posters. In the long run and in normal life, that would be impossible to achieve.
Our advice: We absolutely do not encourage you to discount diet and physical activity! But be selective about your social media consumption. Follow people who promote a healthy lifestyle and a natural figure who are supportive rather than judgemental. And stop watching other people. Cleaning up your social media feed is part and parcel of 21st-century health.
- Slow approach to the target
Don’t throw yourself into the deep end. A miracle diet is usually the perfect method to achieve a yo-yo effect. Similarly to sports – excessive goals can lead to injury. A good relationship with your body is based on understanding and patience. Understanding will allow you to keep excessive expectations in check – you won’t be able to run ten kilometres if you’ve spent the last 10 years on the couch. Patience will ensure that ten kilometres is no sweat for you once some time has passed.
Our advice: Don’t believe in miracles. You will achieve the greatest successes by taking small steps. After each step, reward yourself – if only with a compliment or an evening for yourself.
- Learn from the best
When searching for your best body, study those who do not struggle with activity and major issues with self-acceptance. We are talking about… pets. Cats can teach us how important it is to relax and devote time to yourself. Of course, we aren’t recommending that you spend a few hours recreating a SPA at home or a dozen hours at a time in bed. Just remember to provide the body with rest and good health. Daily rituals, even a massage in the shower or snuggling up in fresh sheets, are fantastic ways to treat the body and improve your sense of well-being. Dogs, in turn, show us how to enjoy and look forward to physical activity. And that exercise should be regular, regardless of the weather. Care of the body is about consistency.
Our advice: Take time for rest, health and regular physical activity. Consistency in these three areas will pay off much more than going to a SPA or trying to “catch up” during vacation. Notice how satisfying your body’s needs affects your mood.
Physical activity can be enjoyable. Your body, too. Both of these factors will positively affect not only your appearance, but above all your mood and health. And that’s the most important.